Mayb 28th, 2013 (206 words)

Oh hunny, you think you can do that? Well you can't.
You think you can throw your friends on the ground and stomp on us, laugh at us and betray us, and then you can just sit with us and everything will be fine? Oh HELL NO!!! Let me just put this out here plain and simple. We don't like you, we don't want you around, we don't want you in our lives. You are a lying, backstabbing, manipulative psycho b****. That's what we think, all of us. I think it's sad what you've done to yourself, you tore yourself down, and turned everybody against yourself. And now you are trying to get friends through sympathy? hahaha that's funny, you know what else it is? Pathetic. You are the most two faced person i've ever met in my life, so it's time for you to get out of here, because we don't want you. You better watch out before I lose my temper.



"I miss you like drama queens and cat fights and braces on prom night
i miss you like boy bands and cheap cologne, our song and chaperones and all the other things that i've outgrown"

Miss You Being Gone by The Band Perry

May 21, 2013 (267 words)

Time flies too fast at the end of the school year, i'm not sure how much more I can take. I just need to be done and get out of here... I have grown to hate this school more than anything. There is a certain group of of who have always been in the "keep watch" group for teachers, we make one move and we are instantly analyzed and asked what we are doing. Something happens at school and all the fingers are pointed at us. I'm sick of it, it needs to stop.

Also the dress code... ugh it pisses me off! I got in trouble recently for a skirt that met requirements, the teacher even told me it did, then she told me that it just looked good and might be distracting! What am I supposed to do?!? Dress like a freaking pilgrim?!? Then there's this one girl in one of my classes and she wears little boxer shorts EVERYDAY! And guess what? She has never gotten in trouble! EVER! I am about to lose my mind! This school does not work by the rules, I follow the rules and I still get in trouble! The dress code works like this:

Oh, you look good in that! Go change.
Or.
You have a big butt and those pants make it look good. go change.
NO MORE!!!! I don't care anymore!
They make their rules by how they feel and I wont stand for it anymore! I've been picked on by this school since 8th grade year! And I wont put up with it anymore! AHGHIDAHJGEOUAHGUIEOHGE........

May 20th, 2013 (345 words)

I live a pretty average life, I hang out with my friends on weekends, go to school, spend time with my family. I don't have anything amazing that I do to brag about, i'm not some competitive swimmer going on to big colleges, or an actress or a singer. But what I am is what I love, a writer. Writing is my outlet, some people say writing is their hobby, but not for me, it's my way of life. I live and breathe it, I think about it every moment of every day. Writing is my best friend, my safe place, the only one who wont tell my secrets or betray me, Writing has helped me discover myself and who I am and what I want to be. When I write I am no longer Adriel,  that girl from school that loves clothes, I am ADRIEL the girl that lives every day as though it is her last, that makes everyday an adventure, ADRIEL who is always right there when people need her, someone who serves a purpose in this world. When I write, I know who I want to be, I know what I want to do, and who I am. Everything is so much simpler on paper, the things that I can't figure out in life, all I need is a pen and paper and i've got them all figured out. And life is so much more beautiful when you write about it. Such as, a flower is no longer a flower, it is a symbol of joy and of life, and it shows that life does end, some gradually die in their own time and some are crushed under the shoes of other people, or chopped by a lawn mower before it's their time to go. They show that people will use you just like the bees use their pollen, but it's the way life is. See? Writing is a new way of life. Writing saved my life. Without it, I would just be Adriel, but because of writing I am ADRIEL!

March 16th, 2013 (85 words)

Pure nothingness, not a taste on my tongue, not a thought in my mind. Nothing can please me, the only craving I have is for joy. I know not why I feel this way. Then again, I don't really feel anything. Pure nothingness. A world with no color, no light. Like a dark hole that never ends. I feel no warmth from the sun beating down on my skin, I don't even feel the wind that seems to be whipping through my hair. PURE NOTHINGNESS.

March 15th, 2013 (533 words)

What would drive a person to betray everyone that loves them?

I usually refrain from blogging about other people, but this is just something that I need to write about. Maybe writing about it will give me some clarity.

I had a friend, one that meant more than the world to me. She was the one person in this world that I had trusted with EVERYTHING. She knew every single one of my darkest secrets. But one day, out of no where she freaked out on me. No one has ever said such cruel things to me before that night. It was all over text and I couldn't take the drama anymore, (another close friend was mad at me to and texting me about it) So i turned my phone of for the night. The friendship came to a complete stop without a word being spoken between us. I was crushed. I lost my best friend and hadn't the slightest clue why.
Then I started hearing things, from EVERYONE, things that nobody knew about me except for her. And all of a sudden other people knew my deepest secrets. Soon i came to the horrifying realization... Everything that I had told this girl, the one person I trusted... She told other people... Someone that wasn't even my friend yet told me everything she knew about me.. But it gets worse, half of these things weren't even true! Then I s tarted hearing all the horrible rumors this girl had spread about me. What was wrong with her? It was so scary to hear all the crazy things that she was making up about me. I also soon realized that she was doing it to others now. She was telling their secrets that they had trusted her with and she was making up out of this world freaky things about them. What had come over her? The longer this went on the more I realized how manipulative and controlling she was. I realized that she had told lies about other people to keep me from being friends with them. And it worked.

Now she has lost everyone, all her best friends, none of us want anything to do with her anymore. We all still love her and care about her, but friendship will never be an option again for her. I could never be friends with someone so untrustworthy, someone who lies about me, and especially not someone so controlling.

It's like she has a disease, one that forces her to hurt and betray people. She ripped apart so many peoples lives. And now she things that a simple apology will make it ok? NO! She is going to have to show that she is sorry before any of us even start to consider letting her back into our lives. If we ever do. I don't think I will quite honestly.

Well it certainly felt good to vent, but i don't think i'll ever find clarity. I think it's because there is no excuse for  treating people so horribly. But what i did find is forgiveness, I forgive her for hurting me, I still want nothing to do with her, but I forgive her.

March 14th, 2013 (389 words)

I have had a weird thing about dreams lately, so here is some stuff that I wrote down about dreaming.

Have you ever waken up from a dream and thought that it was so random it made no sense? That it was so unrealistic and out of this world?

Well have you ever thought that maybe it is perfectly normal and makes complete sense? But we are too restricted in our thoughts that we find these dreams to be completely unrealistic? Dreaming is the only time when every locked door in our brain opens, the only time that our mind is free to wander.

So maybe these things are so real that we don't realize it because we don't know how to let our thoughts roam wild and be what they want.
________________________________________________________________________

Dreams bring back old fears and instill so many new fears in me. I've had two dreams lately that have seriously scared the living shit out of me.

I had one that a very close family friend tried to rape me... It was so scary, he tried to do it in front of my little sister but someone else came in time that he didn't get to. Then i had another one that two teenage boys broke into my house, and I thought I had heard something in our bonus room so I opened the door to look when I saw them. I ran for the stairs but they grabbed my feet, so I threw my arms around the stair case rail and held on for dear life. I was trying to scream but nothing would come out so nobody could come save me. So they dragged me away and then I woke up.

Both of these dreams were both so horrifying, what would make me dream of such horrible things? I'm honestly a little scared to go to sleep.. but I will keep trying, and maybe these nightmares will eventually go away. But it affects my life everyday, I can't be around that man without thinking of that dream, and being a little bit scared of him, and I have to leave the light on in our bonus room and the doors open as often as I can, and I am always careful to walk by. I sure do hope these go away soon :/

March 13th, 2013 (242 words)

To be free, 

Like a butterfly in a meadow full of daisies,

an indian on the vast plain,

or a dolphin in the clearest of waters. 

It's all i've ever wanted.

To be careless.

Filled with abundant joy and hope,

to be able to walk down the street with no feelings of judgment.

To never have to worry about tomorrow.

Carefree.

Joyful.

Hopeful.

Freedom.

_________________________

Do I dare close my eyes?

To throw myself into the inevitable world of dreams?

Uncontrollable thoughts of you in my sleep,

they may just drive me over the edge. 

I knew you were something special when you broke my heart.

Because it hurt more than anything i could imagine.

More than knife in my gut,

or twenty shots in my leg.

It was an emotional pain, 

one that you can't put some stitches on or go to the hospital for.

It was the greatest pain anybody could feel.

I knew you were something special when I told my mama i love you,

and all she could say was "I know darling."

I knew you were something special the moment I realized that when i'm not with you.

I never stop thinking of you.

You persist to follow me into my dreams, 

the one place where I cannot control my thoughts.

The place where I lose all control. 

You became my something special when you told me you loved me.

And guess what?

I love you too.