I don't want to play your childish games, if you don't want to be my friend for no apparent reason, then ok, I don't need to let you push me around, nobody believes the BS you're saying anyways. So this isn't hurting me at all. You are making up things in your head, coming up with reasons to hate me, so ok, that's your decision. If you don't want to be friends then ok, if you want to be friends then say something and we can work it out! But don't go around playing your little games, don't gossip about me and spread rumors, I mean it's just making you look stupid, I didn't do anything to you, and you think that i'm lost without you? Hun, I am perfectly fine without you :) I'm living life and loving it! I have tons of friends who care about me, I still care about you, but I guess I will just love you from a distance :)
But don't go around whining about how nobody loves you, because seriously, we are all standing right here, we care about you and love you, but you wont let us, instead you chose to make up lies, so many that i think you are starting to convince yourself they're true! It's getting annoying, just throw the cards in already, because in case you haven't noticed, i'm not playing along, i'm not coming back to you on my knees begging for you to be my friend again silly, i don't need that! If you're going to be a sucky drama causing friend, then i'm not interested in a friendship with you, it isn't worth my time, i'm not going to waste my time on your lies and gossip :) But you need to get your stuff figured out, because you are hurting and irritating a lot of people, and you are driving the rest insane! But I wish you the best of luck in life :) And I hope it treats you well, I don't wish anything bad upon you, I don't hate you, I just don't need you, but I hope your relationship with your boyfriend is amazing, you guys are so cute together! And i hope that your best friend and you build so many amazing memories, I hope that the dreams and memories that haunt you go away, that the man who hurt you will be severely punished, because it is not ok to treat you the way he did. I hope that you live your life to the fullest, and that you are always happy, I hope that someday you can find a way to feel comforted without hurting yourself. I love your fun and quirky style, I love your accepting and loving personality, you never judge anyone and that was one of my favorite things about you! You always know how to bring a smile to someones face and brighten their day, it's an amazing gift that you have! I hope you learn to live everyday like it's your last and I hope you are overwhelmed with pure happiness and joy. I love you no matter what Hammy.
XOXO
Monday, March 25, 2013
March 8th, 2013 (563 words!!!)
I don't
mind if you tell me how you feel, what is going on in your life or ask for
advice, i love that people come to me :) BUT! Please don't only talk to me when
you need someone to listen to your problems, because I want to be your friend,
and hear the good in your life too! Not just what's wrong, I don't want to be
the person that you ignore and talk to once every few months to tell me about
how your boyfriend dumped you and tell me how miserable your life is. I want to
hear about the trip you took to Venice, and about your sweet 16 and how your
family is doing, and everything that makes you happy! I want to know the full
story, not just the bad.
I saw a
man in a suit leaning over a bridge the other day, and it was instant Deja Vu!
17 AGAIN!!!! When I saw that I started going on and on about how that man is
about to fall off of that bridge and go back to being 17 and blah blah blah,
the girl I was in the car with just stared at me like I was crazy... But when
you hear about a 17 year old boy claiming that he is really 30 or 40.....
you'll know why :)
Wow i
am only at 230 words :/ this is hard!!!
Well, I
had a thought the other day, one that i actually want to act on. One that will
change my life forever. I don't want to wait till I graduate to start living,
why should I wait? I could die at any moment, and I would not be ready to, I
didn't live my life to the fullest I could! So I want to live every day like
it's my last, yes i know that is a little cliché, but it's true, I want to do
something amazing everyday, I don't want to spend anymore time sitting on the
couch watching TV or playing games. I don't want to spend any more time
worrying, being sad or angry. Why should I waste life being angry at someone?
It will pass! Shit happens and there is nothing I can do about it! So might as
well just roll with it! I want to wake up every morning ready to face the day!
Not knowing what I’m going to do, but just do it! I want to do amazing stuff! I
want to see the world! I realize that traveling isn't much of an option right
now, but one day it will be! I want to make people smile, make their day
better, not worry about how silly or stupid i look! Even if it's just dancing
across the street, buying a stranger a cup of coffee, telling a girl she looks
beautiful, or just a simple smile, anything can brighten someone’s day :) I
want to be an adventurer! See the world a whole different way than anyone else!
Live life the best I can!!! I don't want to argue with my sister, or fight with
my parents, I don't want to take my brother for granted, because he could be
gone any day, I don't want to waste one more day!!! It's time to start
living life a whole new way :)
Thursday, March 7, 2013
March 7th, 2013 (745 words!!!)
I keep telling myself i'll find the time to put all of my writing onto this blog and catch up but I just don't. So i'm just starting over, clean slate. I can do it this time. No matter what.
My world is crashing down on me. I've never felt so low, so depressed, so hopeless. The person I loved decided I wasn't worth his time and found a new girl to play with. I tried to do the right thing and tell my friend I was happy for him with his new girl, even though I don't get along with her. But when i really think about it, past the differences we've had, I really do care about her, and if someone were to hurt her I would gladly stand by her side. But words got mixed up and feelings got hurt. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm losing the people I love the most. I get too caught up in trying to make everyone happy, and to make everyone feel loved that I get stressed, and I lash out at people sometimes, and it pushes them away. If i've done this to you, i'm sorry. I really do love you, and I really do care about you. I admit that I used to have a gossip problem, and i'm sorry if i've ever hurt you with that, but when I said I was past that I meant it, I work hard everyday not to gossip, and when I do say things to other people, it's to my dearest friends that I trust the most, but when I need advice, or just need someone to talk to, not to gossip. I want high school to be over. The drama is too much for me to handle, knowing that life will go on, and that I want to live a full life is the only reason i'm holding on right now.
Every morning I wake up and I put on my smile, when i'm hurting I typically don't show it, I don't like people to feel burdened with my problems. I just want to be there for everyone else. I put up a standard for myself that I can't reach, no matter how hard I try i'm not going to be perfect, and I will screw up, and I will hurt the ones I love, I know this, but I hate it. I hate hurting people, I don't want to, words are too easily distorted and made into something else.
I feel like a boomerang that has been put away in a dusty box for a long time. But one day a happy little girl finds me, and she takes me outside to play. She throws me, and I slice through the air, i'm free, finally. But right when everything feels ok, I turn around and land right back into her hands, she puts me back in the box and the cycle goes on. Every time I get a taste of happiness and freedom, and I just feel like everything is going to be alright, I come right back even through i'm trying my hardest to keep going, and I get put back into the dreadful place I hate most. I can't take this world anymore, it's too dark, there is too much hate, I don't want to be angry with anyone anymore, I don't want to let people hurt me, so from now on, I will just walk away from it and love them anyways. And I will keep waking up and putting on my smile, and I will try my absolute hardest to be happy even when i'm not, and I will keep working on being a good friend to everyone, I don't want to be the girl that people think I am, it is ruining me, and I am going to prove to the world that I can rise above the immature ways of high school, I am a young adult, so i'm going to act like it. No more getting caught up in drama, people can keep it to themselves because i'm done. I will be there when people need me, but I wont participate in their drama, I will love everyone the way they are, whether they are crazy red heads that shove their ponies in your face or super smart kids who call me dumb and make weird noises at me, I will make this year count.
My world is crashing down on me. I've never felt so low, so depressed, so hopeless. The person I loved decided I wasn't worth his time and found a new girl to play with. I tried to do the right thing and tell my friend I was happy for him with his new girl, even though I don't get along with her. But when i really think about it, past the differences we've had, I really do care about her, and if someone were to hurt her I would gladly stand by her side. But words got mixed up and feelings got hurt. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm losing the people I love the most. I get too caught up in trying to make everyone happy, and to make everyone feel loved that I get stressed, and I lash out at people sometimes, and it pushes them away. If i've done this to you, i'm sorry. I really do love you, and I really do care about you. I admit that I used to have a gossip problem, and i'm sorry if i've ever hurt you with that, but when I said I was past that I meant it, I work hard everyday not to gossip, and when I do say things to other people, it's to my dearest friends that I trust the most, but when I need advice, or just need someone to talk to, not to gossip. I want high school to be over. The drama is too much for me to handle, knowing that life will go on, and that I want to live a full life is the only reason i'm holding on right now.
Every morning I wake up and I put on my smile, when i'm hurting I typically don't show it, I don't like people to feel burdened with my problems. I just want to be there for everyone else. I put up a standard for myself that I can't reach, no matter how hard I try i'm not going to be perfect, and I will screw up, and I will hurt the ones I love, I know this, but I hate it. I hate hurting people, I don't want to, words are too easily distorted and made into something else.
I feel like a boomerang that has been put away in a dusty box for a long time. But one day a happy little girl finds me, and she takes me outside to play. She throws me, and I slice through the air, i'm free, finally. But right when everything feels ok, I turn around and land right back into her hands, she puts me back in the box and the cycle goes on. Every time I get a taste of happiness and freedom, and I just feel like everything is going to be alright, I come right back even through i'm trying my hardest to keep going, and I get put back into the dreadful place I hate most. I can't take this world anymore, it's too dark, there is too much hate, I don't want to be angry with anyone anymore, I don't want to let people hurt me, so from now on, I will just walk away from it and love them anyways. And I will keep waking up and putting on my smile, and I will try my absolute hardest to be happy even when i'm not, and I will keep working on being a good friend to everyone, I don't want to be the girl that people think I am, it is ruining me, and I am going to prove to the world that I can rise above the immature ways of high school, I am a young adult, so i'm going to act like it. No more getting caught up in drama, people can keep it to themselves because i'm done. I will be there when people need me, but I wont participate in their drama, I will love everyone the way they are, whether they are crazy red heads that shove their ponies in your face or super smart kids who call me dumb and make weird noises at me, I will make this year count.
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