September 11th, 2013

It stalks me like its prey.

Beats me down like the desert sun.

Counts my every breath.

Watches my every move,

takes away everything dear to me.

There will be no survivors.

We are all helpless victims.

Hope is a delicacy.

Despair is a plague.

The earth in which we live on is relentless.

It wont give up until every smile has faded.

It watches me day and night.

Soon I will fall to its feet.

Be buried in its dirt.

And I will be another failure for mankind.

But a victory for the earth. 

-Adriel McCuan

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Remember when I said I couldn't live without you?

That my heart would stop beating?

Or when I told you I could never love another?

Well my love...

I'm still alive,

my heart is still beating.

And I know I will love again.

-Adriel McCuan

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Her name is Regret.

She seems to have become a very close friend.

She is always there whether I want her or not.

If I have no need for her,

she will make one.

She thrives off my pain.

It is her fuel.

The only thing keeping her going.

Without my misery she is lost.

So she will stop at nothing to destroy me.

No matter what I do.

No matter how hard I try.

She will never leave.

Thus,

I am Hopeless.

-Adriel McCuan

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I tried to pass a test with no right answers.

To win a game with no end.

A riot with no purpose.

Your love was hopeless.

There was no purpose.

Your love is equal to a test with no answers.

A waste of time. 

-Adriel McCuan

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She takes much pride in her beauty. She wears it and she flaunts it. She is absorbed in it. To talk about something other than herself would be too out of the ordinary. She has the body, the clothes, hair, lashes, nails, makeup, she's got it all. But do not be deceived, for this girl is not beautiful, her heart is dark, it is selfish and it's intentions are rarely for the good of others. She is a sight to wake up to, but a burden to come home to. She does not care for your love, but how good you can make her feel and the appearance you give her. Do not chase a girl for her fleeting figure, because underneath is a profane heart and poisonous intent. Instead pursue a woman, one with a beautiful and everlasting heart filled with love and selflesness. For that my friend, is a beautiful woman, one that is a joy to come home to and an escape from life's trials. Chase a woman, not a girl. 

-Adriel McCuan

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I'm caught in a web of my own broken dreams... 

September 10th, 2013

The locked door behind the locked door...

I know not what is behind my second door, but what I do know is that it will be a challenge to unlock. The last door was hard, and this one will only be more difficult. I feel like an open book with myself, but i'm sure there is something new to learn about myself. Something fantastic to remember, something that will change my outlook on life. 

But I think that when I do get that door open, that there will be somebody behind it. Somebody holding a book. One book, filled with everything about me, everything I do and don't want to know. I do know that when that door is opened it will unlock countless secrets. And I will not like seeing them be revealed. So altogether, I am nervous for this year, i'm scared to unlock any more doors. They are chained up for a reason, I put them back there and threw away the key to never be found again, because I wanted them locked away. Opening them up will hurt, and it will be disheartening, but it's what needs to happen. 

Secrets were never made to stay a secret.

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Just another ring around the tree, 

that's what you are.

A single blade of grass,

no different than the others.

Nothing but a pinch of salt in the ocean.

Just another phase in my life

-Adriel McCuan

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Pure nothingness,

not a taste on my tongue,

not a thought in my mind. 

Nothing can please me.

The only craving I have is for joy.

I know not why I feel this way....

Then again,

I don't really feel anything.

Pure nothingness.

A world with no color.

No light.

Like a dark hole that never ends. 

I feel no warmth from the sun beating down on my skin.

I don't even feel the wind that looks to be whipping through my hair.

I feel nothing.

Pure Nothingness.

-Adriel McCuan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The teller of time.

The proof of hard work.

the holder of reality.

The hands of a mother.

A story.

A tale of wisdom and love.

-Adriel McCuan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A smile is the sun on a stormy day.

A glimmer of hope when you can't get out.

A soft voice when you feel so alone.

A smile is an oasis in a forgotten desert.

-Adriel McCuan

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They don't listen to my screams in the night.

They don't care.

My words are nothing but a faint whisper in the breeze to them.

They don't love,

they don't feel.

They want me to feel alone.

Empty.

Hopeless.

-Adriel McCuan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tears over run by rage.

Remorse taken over by revenge.

Gave you the key to my dreams.

And you used it to lock them away.

-Adriel McCuan

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Every word that leaves your lips.

Every syllable just drives the knife in.

Deeper into my chest.

Please kill me already,

this pain is too much for me.

I'm too weak.

I lost all power to fight back.

Your words have over taken me.

There's no turning back now.

What's done is done.

I'm done. 

-Adriel McCuan

September 9th, 2013

Her lethal words attack me like a starving pack of wolves.

She cute me open and prepared me for the end.

Her cold colorless eyes locked with mine,

as her lifeless pale fingers combed through my hair.

"You did this to me."

She shoved her lies down my throat.

Her words wrapped themselves around my lungs,

they tightened their grip.

I struggled and gasped for air,

but they were relentless.

Her lies slowly suffocated me.

Her lies killed me.

-Adriel McCuan

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A flash flood came,

and in the blink of an eye,

gone.

Every last one,

lost.

No explanation,

no reason,

nothing I could do to stop it.

And that's it.

One by one,

they all washed away.

Friends are not to be taken for granted.

Because at any moment,

they can all wash away, 

even on the sunniest of days.

-Adriel McCuan

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Tired of the lies,

everything is a lie.

You wear too many faces.

Too many lies.

You are a lie.

-Adriel McCuan

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Well another wonderful year has started, my last year in highschool. Awhhhh the sweet feeling of senior year! Graduation is just a hop an a skip away! I'm geared for success this year! Apply to colleges, keep my grades close to godliness, stay out of trouble.... ok well maybe not so much that... But i'm going to try my hardest! My life is ready to take off!!! I'm ready to grow up and start taking on some more responsibilities and to earn and work for the things I want! I wanna make a difference in the world, I don't know how, but I don't want to sit back and just watch things happen and stay tucked away in my cozy comfortable life. I may not be well known, but I want to help people, because everybody deserves a second chance at life. 

But either way! I'm super excited for this year! It's going to be awesome! I'm ready to write all year! And i'm prepared for some NANO this year!!!! :D